Why Intention Matters

I grew up in a migrant family, and one thing was very clear when we moved to Germany: it is about results and accomplishments, and without them, you won’t get far. Even when you study hard and you do not get the result or grade you wanted, well, you have failed, congrats. And even if this view has changed within my family system somehow into a more positive direction, it is quite a common view (or better said, survival strategy) to have in life, especially if you are from a country where, without a result, you perhaps quite literally might just: die.

And while I was accomplishing and accomplishing, this view left me empty, like many of us. It was not my belief, just a driving force or better said, a strategy to keep me safe through achieving. Unfortunately, it did the following things:

1. A feeling of emptiness that you try to forget through achieving even more (the dog is biting its own tail, basically)

2. You forget the importance of skills, learning, and effort

3. You turn away from trying to find the fun in the thing itself, and focus only on the couple of seconds of joy when you have achieved success

4. You become really unkind and impatient with yourself

   
   

And while I was trying to get away from this view and breaking my brain over how I can feel like I am moving forward without the pressure and stress of constantly needing to work myself into the ground and keep myself somehow not terribly unhappy by always feeling like I am achieving, I noticed something else. I took a list with a couple of things that, one year ago, I said I wanted to change, achieve, or get better at. And I looked at them today. And I noticed a huge improvement, without, quite frankly, doing anything for it actively or on purpose. I have not worked myself into the ground for them, I have not been sacrificing, I have just been arriving slowly over the course of a year at a destination I never even made a plan to get to. It felt like the things just slowly came into my life and not that I have spent every free minute and last bit of energy to run after it.

The only difference was that I knew what I wanted to change and why I wanted to. Only wanting is not enough. I deeply knew exactly why it was good for me (without even the concrete need of verbalising it in my head), and good for the people around me (as it aligns with my values), and I was just being honest with myself. Thinking about the impact of the change that you would unleash if your intention caught fire when transitioning into the external world. The only thing was that I had never really made a big effort towards getting it. That surprised me. While I was used to thinking exhaustive work equals success, having seen on paper how far I’ve come without the hustle has been quite shocking.

An intention happens internally, and maybe we therefore give it less meaning than things that we can truly see and sense, as it is with results so often. But accomplishing and doing without intention is like an empty house. It might look good from the outside, but it won’t warm you and will leave you empty and disconnected. An intention is like a connection to your values, your spirit, your desires, and your needs and is much better embedded into your life and your psyche than following something because of insecurity or external guidance.