Why building a routine is overrated.

A tired man with blanket over his head, staring into the void because he got up way to early for his 3-hour routine. Don't be like this man.

You probably hear it from every corner of social media, your friends, and maybe even your psychologist. Building a routine is super necessary. Without it, you’re almost seen as unsuccessful...because how is it even possible to get your life in order without one, right?

Some of my clients and friends (and me as well) at some point complained: why can’t we keep up a routine? You try meditation, stretching, journaling, gratitude exercises, and spend hours on it in the morning. You keep it up for two days in a row and zack -gone. Back to your natural habitat. Yes, you might not be self-disciplined enough, and yes, you might be a lazy ass. All true. Check for yourself. But there’s also a majority of people who have a completely different problem (please don’t lie to yourself here, folks, okay?).

Some people saw it somewhere, heard it from celebrities or successful people, and now think, Okay, well, if you want to be like them, you better keep going. Yes, successful people likely have a routine. But so do you. Routine is not just stretching, doing a one-hour HIIT workout, and then journaling for two hours before answering client emails...all before 5 AM. A routine is also what you already do, every day. Hopefully brushing your teeth, washing your face, making coffee, thinking about certain things, feeling certain things, doing things automatically without thinking, those are routines -habits- too. And isn’t that what you want? No dread, just an effortless, automated routine?

Here’s a short anecdote about my own relationship with routines. I do not like routines, yet I have tried many. Stuck to some for a long time. Like stretching. Yoga, sports, journaling. Many more, some complicated, some easy. It was always such a drag, I must admit. I judged myself, looked left and right, and saw how others were just much better at sticking to it. What am I doing wrong? Then I noticed that this judgment quickly disappeared when I found what I love to do, being a psychologist. And I realized how I work best: getting up quickly, getting ready in 30 minutes, making coffee, and working. I love working in the morning, and I love what I do. Suddenly, I had a routine that actually fit me. Maybe not the usual kind, but one that supported me, instead of me working hard just to keep up with random morning chores I hated.

So back to you now: Do you actually know why you are trying to build a routine?

The people you compare yourself to probably use routines to improve what they’re already doing, whether it’s a business, a company, or whatever their life’s work is. They let the routine work for them, not the other way around. They might have figured out what they love and how they like to do it. And hopefully, they’re honest with themselves about their habits. But one key difference is that they know why they need their routine. There’s a kind of magical pull, something bigger than just sustaining habits, you can call it purpose, vision, direction, life path, or something spiritual, magic or religious. One thing that you align yourself with or orient yourself toward, like birds to the sunrise. A suns rhythm natually shapes their day, regulates their routine and system. Because certaily, a routine comes as a response or reaction to this magical pull, and is not per-se the reason for success. It can be a marker, if the what for is given naturally, not the driving force (because in all honesty, the sun did not start to rise just because the birds were chirping at 5am, that is not my scientific knowledge on it).

For most people, it’s probably more helpful to ask: What do you live for? A routine will fall into place naturally when you go after what truly matters to you. Is there something that genuinely inspires and fulfills you, even if it doesn’t make you happy every day? Something that always calls you back, a hobby, a job, or something you love to do? Something that creates that big pull energy and drives you to act because you know exactly why you’re doing it? If you find it, everything else will naturally realign to help you become better at that thing. You might not do it every day with a big smile, but you’ll do it with a why.